It’s a good thing you can’t outsource drinking wine.
When you meet a friend for coffee on a seemingly ordinary Thursday morning and they promptly order a wine, something would suggest that not all is as glossy in Hunky Dory Town as the tourist brochures would have you believe.
(Now, don’t worry, I’m keeping the really juicy details of our tête-à-tête in The Vault - sorry to disappoint - but Kaye said if I changed her name to *Jenny in this story she’d be happy for me to share this part of the conversation with you.)
*Jenny is tired. She’s frustrated. She’s restless. And outside of our rare opportunity to a catch up she’s usually home on her lonesome with 1 x toddler and 1 x baby, 5 days out of 7, or more, if her husband is working away interstate, which is often. *Jenny’s also whip smart and she’s sitting on the edge of a breakdown, I mean, she's sitting on a ton of skills she’s worried are growing stale if she doesn’t put them to good and proper use, stat. So, with her plate already full, my darling, clever friend decided she’d start a new business. From her home. With two children under 3 and so, so many bath toys and self-multiplying laundry and a partner who’s away more often than not.
It’s not working out how she had hoped. It is crazy, she tells me. Madness! Chaos! *Jenny was hoping her new business could plonk its sizeable ass smack bang in the middle of her life as it currently stands, and all would be merry. In fact, her life would be even better. Ten points to Team Optimism!
With every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction (not my discovery). I know that. Whip smart *Jenny knows that. But what she said next surprised me most: “I’m determined. I’m going to make this work, I can do it!” No, she won’t get a cleaner to help lighten the load of the housework, because she can manage. No, she doesn’t want to arrange for extra care for her children (either in or out of the house), because that is her role. No, she doesn’t need to order prepared-and-conveniently-delivered-to-your-door meals because she is a perfectly good cook/ wife/ mum/ friend and every other thing that Jenny was spreading herself thin to be. See the pattern here? *Jenny is a crazy person. She wants to keep doing exactly what she is doing, expecting to see a different or better result.
Another famous saying I can’t lay claim to coining is this:
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.”
If the plan isn’t working, change tact. Arrange the cleaner, trial out the nanny, order the pre-made meals, limit social media, get up early, go to bed early, quit saying yes to other people’s to-do lists, ask for help, start small, book the business coach, do the yoga, delegate the web design, work only a ½ day each Wednesday liked you talked about last year, outsource ten percent of the stuff you know is getting in the way of the other amazing stuff and watch what happens. Get off Team Optimism who are keeping their chin up about being on the bottom of the leader board, again. Come hang out with Team I Can’t And I Won’t Do It All where we regularly pass the ball to someone else to take care of, but who are kicking just enough goals worthy of a celebratory wine at 11am on a Thursday.